Rodney Dangerfield Quotes: Funny Quotes And Sayings
Rodney Dangerfield (November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004), born Jacob Cohen, was an American comedian and actor.
Below are 15 best of Rodney Dangerfield Quotes:
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
1. Marriage...it's not a word, it's a sentence.
― Rodney Dangerfield
2. My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
― Rodney Dangerfield
3. What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
― Rodney Dangerfield
4. It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
― Rodney Dangerfield
5. Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.
― Rodney Dangerfield
6. Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said "Are you Louise?" She said, "Are you Rodney?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."
― Rodney Dangerfield
7. I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
― Rodney Dangerfield
8. I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
― Rodney Dangerfield
9. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
― Rodney Dangerfield
10. Last week I told my wife, "If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef." She said, "If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer."
― Rodney Dangerfield
11. With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
― Rodney Dangerfield
12. I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
― Rodney Dangerfield
13. I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no'.
― Rodney Dangerfield
14. The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
― Rodney Dangerfield
15. When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."
― Rodney Dangerfield
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