Break Up Quotes and Sayings

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny break up quotes, funny break up sayings, and funny break up proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

 Funny break up quotes inspire you

1. "Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over."

- Jerry Seinfeld -

Funny break up quotes inspire you

2. "My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her."

- Azgraybebly Joslan -

3. "There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."

- Steve Martin -

4. "Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass."

- Mary Kay Blakeley -

5. "Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash."     

- Rita Mae Brown -

Funny break up quotes inspire you

6. "If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Seriously. Punch them in the face and go get some ice cream."

- Frank Ocean -

7. "He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house."     

- Zsa Zsa Gabor -

8. "My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money."

- Wendy Liebman -

9. "In our family we don't divorce our men -- we bury them."

- Ruth Gordon -

10. "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost as if you're here!"

- Billy Ray Cyrus -

11. "A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you."

- Margaret Atwood -

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